dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
