Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
