I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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