i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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