It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it glows. i had to have it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
