Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
how drunk are you?
Several
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
