I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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