The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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