I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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