The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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