now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
