Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
