ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
