I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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