i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
