Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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