One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
