My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
