I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
