Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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