smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
