Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
