We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
