i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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