Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
