The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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