If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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