Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
