just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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