god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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