I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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