wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
