Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
