I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
