rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
