he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
