Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Randomize
