maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
