How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I forget how to act sober
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
