I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
