Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
