If i come over, it means nothing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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