Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
