I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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