apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
