I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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