Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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