I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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