my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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