I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
