at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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