I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
