i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
