so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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